For those of you without kids, you know the rage, hopelessness, and frustration of being on the same flight (let alone the same row!) with an inconsolable, tantrum-throwing child.

Here’s what I mean by flying with Social Anxiety:

• She was inconsolable once they took our carry-on bag and checked it at the plane entrance (as if we snatched her away from her best friend!). I had to drag her on to make her forget about it.
• Once we were walking down the aisle, she was screaming MINE MINE MINE! Her object of attention? My mask. She kept pulling it on it while holding two bags and trying to find my seat. It went over my eyes, under my chin, and eventually into her hands as she broke the straps. Great.
• She was sleeping, and I reached for the water bottle with my free hand. I pushed the button to open it, morphing into this high-pressure hose that watered down the entire row. I watched the beautiful arc of water for way too long before I could close the cap. Wow.
• I had a bag of lollipops with me, so if she went into her crazy mood, I’d bribe her with one. She, unfortunately, grabbed hold of it and, at some point, had two lollipops in her mouth and one in her hand. People must have thought I was a junkie mom or something feeding my daughter so much candy. I couldn’t bare take them away and face the inner dragon.

Did you cringe at any of those points?

So with that being said, I learned a lot about myself and the people around me.

Not sure why I got so lucky, but I met some of the least judgmental people on the way and the most helpful ones, except for that miserable employee who scolded me for walking in front of the line to get in as a priority when my boarding group was last.

“Listen, miserable employee, EVERYONE is getting in on this plane, but I have a RAGING toddler that no one wants to listen to while they wait to board.”

So many offered to help, and some took it upon themselves to grab my bags and carry them without even asking me (they only needed to know my seat number).

I got bumped up a section and ended up with a whole row to myself to spare the people in the economy who seemed beyond anxious at sitting next to a toddler for the following 8 hours.

Luckily I used my experience to manage my social anxiety.

3 ways to reduce flying with social anxiety:

1. Avoid eye contact

I did this to stay sane.

I usually advocate making eye contact as much as possible to connect and keep yourself grounded. But on the plane, the last thing I wanted to burden myself with was judgmental eyes.

Because we all know how insane passengers are, especially when they’re stressed and see a screaming toddler about to ruin their flight.

So, I didn’t want to burden myself with the extra guilt, so I stayed away from the glares.

2. Accept help

If someone notices you’re in distress, it’s best to accept their support – especially if you’re alone and unsure how to manage the situation.
I usually do everything independently and purposefully choose not to ask for help, not to inconvenience anyone (thank you, pleasing personality, so much for your awesomeness).

But at that moment in time, when my backpack weighed a ton from all the snacks I brought, and I had to carry a darn heavy 30-pound screaming child trying to wrestle away from me, I was at my wit’s end.

Accepting help made me feel less alone, and I realized that my child screaming wasn’t my fault.

Well, maybe when she was screaming for the candy, it was. 

Lesson learned.

3. Show your emotions

Don’t pretend everything is ok.

It’s not; you have the right to feel what you do.

As I walked down the aisle with my devilish spawn, I said aloud, “I‘m going to lose my shit.” As my daughter screamed an endless screech, I said, “Oh my freaking God,” in complete exasperation.

Expressing myself helped make others aware of my struggle and helped me cope with the insanity unfolding in front of me. I felt powerless, but at least I could express that.

These concrete tips helped me have a somewhat successful trip.

I was able to manage my Social Anxiety because of them. It’s hard when you’re in the thick of it (screaming psycho-baby), your Social Anxiety kicks in on top of other anxieties, and you have no clue where your next calm breath will come from.

So do what you need to GET THROUGH IT.

And that’s enough—no need to dissect what happened or how you could have done better. You made it through, and that’s something to be proud of – even with the lingering distress.